"Vocare--ohhhhh..."

In the group I've been attending at church we've been talking about the v-question: vocation. What are we called to? If we're not called to give away our possessions and head to the bush, the caves, or the coast, what would Christ have us do? The answer I'm beginning to listen to leaves me frustrated.

As a child, I grew up believing that Christians were called to "abandon it all for the sake of the call" (to borrow from our beloved Steven Curtis Chapman) and to do radical things. Extraordinary things. Big things. Like writing great inspirational books that give people vision or becoming a missionary pilot or Bible translator. I assumed I would one day join the ranks of greatness and do my part.

Since becoming Catholic I am becoming more and more convinced that responding to the call has less to do with the flashy, bold and daring and more to do with the hidden and the ordinary. The everyday. It's possible that my call to obedience might take the shape of a remarkable 180-degree shift, but perhaps not. And that's the part I'm struggling with.

For a long time in my heart I've felt the push to do "great things for Christ." I want to do great things for Him. But I'm becoming more aware of the impurity of my intentions. I want to glorify his name, yes. But I also crave recognition, honor, and even (gulp) fame. I'm not satisfied to remain hidden and lost in the community of others doing their part. I want to shine. I crave the remarkable, the sacrificial, the exotic, the unique--but not on God's terms, which is probably why he has me where he does.

And he wouldn't entrust me with anything big before he saw that I was able to glorify him in the little things anyway.

Lord, forgive my impatience and my pride. You do not owe me recognition. Help me to decrease that you may increase. Help me to find contentment in the little things.